it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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