i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She just used a chaser for red wine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
