Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
