my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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