There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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