Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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