So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
