I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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