Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
