i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
