wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think your dad took our porno
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
