dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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