I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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