the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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