matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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