I bet he comes in French.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
