yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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