Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My vagina is officially offended.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
