First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
