the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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