If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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