if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
