I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
