I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
