you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
BRING THE BAGELS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
