Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
