I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
