Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
being pregnant is like rehab
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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