what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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