Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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