i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
