Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
