Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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