Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
