And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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