Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
