Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
