the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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