Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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