I heard we made out
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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