They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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