is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
