How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
