eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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