I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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