I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We need to get me chipped asap
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
