Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
