omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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