My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
