she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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