shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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