first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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