We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
