I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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