I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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