Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I want a musical about memes.
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