chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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