We won't sleep together?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Bring me that man meat
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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